Go Shots

This is officially the Summer of Go Shots. While purchasing a Father's Day gift just after Mindy's wedding in Sioux Falls, brother Mark and I found ourselves in the liquor section of Hi-Vee. Mark was the first to spot the awkwardly shaped bags in the clearance bin near the check out line. After purchasing a large bottle of Crown, I came over to his position to see what was putting the puzzled look on his face. We immediately got back in line to buy a bag of Go Shots. We knew what others did not. These things are awesome. What is this miracle product, so casually disrespected with an $8 clearance sticker? Goshots are actually called Portashots, but that is a stupid name. Go Shots are 30 ml plastic packages of poor quality liquor. They come in a large plastic bag and are attached in a long string of goodness.

Lets take a deeper look at their allure.

Go Shots are small. 25 of them in a bag adds up to 750ml.
Normally when you place a shot glass of cheap spiced rum in front of someone, there is maybe a 50% chance they will take the shot. From my research, 90% of people will take a Go Shot when prompted.

Best taken straight from the plastic container, Go Shots will spray the entire inside of your mouth so that all your taste buds are insulted.
Did mention that they taste pretty bad?
Here is an example of how versatile the Go Shot can be. It was incredibly easy to sneak the packages into Miller Park when Nicole and I visited the Mooney family to watch the Twins lose. This helped me deal with the foolish play of Delmon Young and softened the impact on my wallet. I also will credit Tim Mooney for calling them Go Shots and insisting that the name should stick. During the same game, an old friend from Mitchell was attending with friends and was kicked out of the ballpark for trying to sneak in a can of Strongbow cider. Go Shots 1, Large Can of Cider 0
See that Go Shot taking a peek out of my pocket? Dave sees it and he likes what he sees.
Notorious for drunk dudes and girls flashing their chests, most of our recent trip down the Apple River was without incident. The only rough section showed how important Go Shots can be to your survival. After floating around a bend, we spotted a group of kids marooned on the side of the river. One of the guys was yelling at tubing groups passing them and demanding beers from their coolers. The first two groups did not give him beers, so he logically would throw large rocks at them. This made our group very nervous. I immediately reached for a Go Shot. Nicole argued that we should pretend not to see or hear him. This is Nicole's typical turtleing strategy. I knew that this would just get us a bunch of rocks. As he started to approach us, I chucked a Go Shot in his direction. The act disabled his rage quickly. He picked it up, looked confused, and then thanked us for the gift. He also said that he was planning on throwing rocks, but decided not to since we gave him the Go Shot. A $.32 investment allowed us to continue our journey head injury-free.

Lesson: If you ever plan on tubing down the Apple River, bring some extra Go Shots for the river pirates.
My last argument in support of Go Shots comes from my brother, who along with me, went back to the Hi-Vee liquor department the day after our first purchase of one bag and each bought three more bags. This image, I poached from Facebook, shows Mark as he went tubing down the Niobrara River with friends.
Let the Summer of the Go Shot Continue!