Dashing Warriors

Be warned that this is a super-post. We've been ultra-busy this summer, mostly weddings and graduations and baby events, but sometimes we like to take the time to relax and run through the mud. This is one of those times.

Last weekend, the Warrior Dash was held at Afton Alps near Hastings. Per the website, caps intended, the Warrior Dash is "A MUD-CRAWLING, FIRE-LEAPING EXTREME RUN FROM HELL. THIS FIERCE RUNNING SERIES IS HELD ON THE MOST CHALLENGING AND RUGGED TERRAIN ACROSS THE GLOBE. WARRIORS CONQUER EXTREME OBSTACLES, PUSH THEIR LIMITS AND CELEBRATE WITH KICK-ASS MUSIC, BEER AND WARRIOR HELMETS." 

That's a lot of promise for an early Sunday morning.

As is the new normal, Adam packed some PortaShots (I still prefer "Go Shots") to get the crowd moving. And, once again, they are a hit.

Little Tessa showing her support for the team.

I imagine this will be the cleanest the group will be for quite some time.

And they're off! 

Adam was the easiest to spot since the contrast between black (shorts) and white (chest) was so easily highlighted in a crowd.

College/Frisbee friend Peter/Egon finished in record time, coming in just behind a band of hot pink ladies from the previous heat and with barely any mud above the shoulders. Impressive.

Rob finished not too far behind Peter, but was so fast that the camera missed him. Also, the camera was distracted by Adam's old man habits. If you look closely, Adam is the one flailing down the water slide.

Here, Adam deftly leaps over the flames and mentally prepares for the mud pit.

I was later informed that some girl ahead of him kicked mud into his eyes, but - honestly - that sounds like an excuse for poor performance.

Actually, Adam did very well by all important measures. That is, he beat Wade (#115) and Jake (#118), coming in at 33:17.85. Good enough to finish with a rank of 97 out of 884 in his division (Men 30-34) for the Sunday races. Rob finished #28 (Good job, Rob!) and Peter was #25 in his (younger, faster) age group.

And anyway, check out the fellow competitors behind him. It can't be that hard.

Wade immediately launched himself into the mud pit, which was a nice contrast to the leisurely entry stroll that Jake decided upon.

I suppose bananas were about the cleanest food you could serve to the racers, but it seemed a bit like a recipe for disaster what with all those peels lying about.

Congrats, team!

Oh yeah, there was also free beer. And giant turkey legs for a small, well-deserved fee.

The final racer was Andrew/Bussey, who wasted no time in showing up Wade's entry into the mud pit.

Again, those bananas. Dangerous.

It was best for all involved that we left our shoes behind. They are going to a better place now.

I hope Tessa remembers this remarkable day. If not, I will send her incriminating photos of her father and his gang when she is much older. 

Warriors!

Go Shots

This is officially the Summer of Go Shots. While purchasing a Father's Day gift just after Mindy's wedding in Sioux Falls, brother Mark and I found ourselves in the liquor section of Hi-Vee. Mark was the first to spot the awkwardly shaped bags in the clearance bin near the check out line. After purchasing a large bottle of Crown, I came over to his position to see what was putting the puzzled look on his face. We immediately got back in line to buy a bag of Go Shots. We knew what others did not. These things are awesome. What is this miracle product, so casually disrespected with an $8 clearance sticker? Goshots are actually called Portashots, but that is a stupid name. Go Shots are 30 ml plastic packages of poor quality liquor. They come in a large plastic bag and are attached in a long string of goodness.

Lets take a deeper look at their allure.

Go Shots are small. 25 of them in a bag adds up to 750ml.
Normally when you place a shot glass of cheap spiced rum in front of someone, there is maybe a 50% chance they will take the shot. From my research, 90% of people will take a Go Shot when prompted.

Best taken straight from the plastic container, Go Shots will spray the entire inside of your mouth so that all your taste buds are insulted.
Did mention that they taste pretty bad?
Here is an example of how versatile the Go Shot can be. It was incredibly easy to sneak the packages into Miller Park when Nicole and I visited the Mooney family to watch the Twins lose. This helped me deal with the foolish play of Delmon Young and softened the impact on my wallet. I also will credit Tim Mooney for calling them Go Shots and insisting that the name should stick. During the same game, an old friend from Mitchell was attending with friends and was kicked out of the ballpark for trying to sneak in a can of Strongbow cider. Go Shots 1, Large Can of Cider 0
See that Go Shot taking a peek out of my pocket? Dave sees it and he likes what he sees.
Notorious for drunk dudes and girls flashing their chests, most of our recent trip down the Apple River was without incident. The only rough section showed how important Go Shots can be to your survival. After floating around a bend, we spotted a group of kids marooned on the side of the river. One of the guys was yelling at tubing groups passing them and demanding beers from their coolers. The first two groups did not give him beers, so he logically would throw large rocks at them. This made our group very nervous. I immediately reached for a Go Shot. Nicole argued that we should pretend not to see or hear him. This is Nicole's typical turtleing strategy. I knew that this would just get us a bunch of rocks. As he started to approach us, I chucked a Go Shot in his direction. The act disabled his rage quickly. He picked it up, looked confused, and then thanked us for the gift. He also said that he was planning on throwing rocks, but decided not to since we gave him the Go Shot. A $.32 investment allowed us to continue our journey head injury-free.

Lesson: If you ever plan on tubing down the Apple River, bring some extra Go Shots for the river pirates.
My last argument in support of Go Shots comes from my brother, who along with me, went back to the Hi-Vee liquor department the day after our first purchase of one bag and each bought three more bags. This image, I poached from Facebook, shows Mark as he went tubing down the Niobrara River with friends.
Let the Summer of the Go Shot Continue!